Spiritual Bypass
I still remember the first time I heard the term spiritual bypass. I was at a weekend seminar with Dr. Daniel Seigel at a large church in Pasadena. A young pastor asked a question about spiritual bypass which sparked my curiosity.
That would have been about 10 years ago. Since that time I have thought, studied, and discussed the topic with others. I've even written about it in my reports where the issue has come up.
Essentially, spiritual bypass occurs when a person has a transcendent experience which is associated with a new path or direction in life. For Christians it is often a born again experience. For Buddhists it often involves the peace and presence found in meditation--especially group meditation. For others it will be something similar which connects the individual with a group who have experienced or routinely experience transcendence in it's various permutations.
In the Christian tradition there is the idea that in the born again experience the individual has been quickened to life. She or he has been made new--"If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation: old things are passed away; behold, all things are made new" (2 Corinthians 5:27).
Does that mean that the new convert who perhaps came to Christ or AA or Yoga, etc. with trauma, an alcohol or drug problem, a personality disorder, a pending divorce, pending criminal charges, etc. is, on account of his/her feelings of transcendence and connection with the love of God or oneness with the transcendent when praying, congregating, or meditating is now imbued with wisdom, emotional intelligence, interpersonal relational skills, empathy, the ability to take the perspective of another, i.e. all the benefits one who has grown up in a secure home with loving parents, good friends, supportive teachers, coaches and family bring one over developmental time?
When I listen carefully to what people say, that is the message that is put out there. However, human development takes time and experience. Spiritual and emotional maturity are the products of time and experience. One does not reach such maturity without experience.
With spiritual bypass the there is what Whitfield (2003) has called premature transcendence or "high-level denial." The essence of spiritual bypass involves mistaking the feeling of the love of God / the feeling of transcendence with spiritual / emotional maturity. What happens then is the novitiate/new convert in whatever tradition is involved bypasses the experience or process of spiritual and emotional / relational growth for the feeling of transcendence. The result is a new addiction which on account of the feeling one gets in church, quiet time, meditation, retreats is considered proof the individual as arrived at the highest level of sanctification, awakening, enlightenment, etc. However, the lifelong pursuit of the ideals / aspirations associated with one's faith, commitment, path of life, etc. has been bypassed.
The result is the creation of what I often hear in such cases from the those who are in relationship with such individuals. They unknowingly come across as self-righteous, holier than thou, and hypocritical. The term dry alcoholic is often used by those close to such persons. They have bypassed working through of their trauma which, incidentally, made the use of drugs and then transcendence so appealing to them in the first place--it gives them reprieve from their exiled parts as Schwartz (2017) put it. "In the (IFS perspective, we all have exiled parts who carry pain, shame, and fear from past traumas and attachment injuries. We also have protector parts who try to take care of those exiles by finding people, material comforts, substances, or activities that temporarily make those exiles feel better or distract us from feelings. We experience these protectors as the inner strivings and cravings to which spiritual traditions often refer (sometimes derisively) as “the ego.” Using meditation to avoid or suppress these parts is what Welwood (2003) calls a spiritual bypass. It creates an addiction to meditation because, without meditating, all those cravings will again overwhelm since the exiles they are reacting to have not been healed.” (p. 201)
Whitfield (1995) wrote about stages of recovery. They are reproduced below:
“A spiritual bypass is when we try to avoid working through the pain of our prior woundedness, so we may try to jump from an earlier stage of healing directly into the most advanced stage. Because this concept is crucial to making sense of and handling spiritual awakenings, I will describe briefly the generic stages of the healing or recovery process” (p. xv) She described the stages as follows:
“Stage One
At Stage One, recovery begins. It involves participating in a full recovery program to assist in healing the Stage Zero condition or conditions. A person may have a
spiritual awakening while in Stage Zero and try to bypass this one.
Stage Two
Stage Two is one that many people also may try to bypass. It involves healing adult child or co-dependence issues. Once a person has a stable and solid Stage One recovery—one that has lasted for at least a year or longer—it may be time to consider looking into these issues. An adult child is anyone who grew up in an unhealthy, troubled or dysfunctional family.2 Many adult children may still be in a similar unhealthy environment, whether at home, in one or more relationships, or at work.
Stage Three
Stage Three recovery is the one into which we may be compelled prematurely by having a spiritual awakening. It is the experience of spirituality and its incorporation
into daily life. This is an ongoing process. If we try to go around or bypass the darkness
to get to the Light, i.e., if we try to ignore the lower to get to the higher levels of our consciousness, something—we can call it our shadow—will pull us back until we work through our particular unfinished business. Trying to avoid this work of Stages One and Two recovery can also be called premature transcendence or high level denial. As Barbara Harris points out, this is seen in any number of situations, from being prematurely born again, to having a spiritual awakening and focusing only on the Light, to becoming attached to a guru or way. Its consequences are often active co-dependence: denial of the richness of our inner life; trying to control oneself or others; all
or none thinking and behaving; feelings of fear, shame and confusion; high tolerance for inappropriate behavior; frustration, addiction, compulsion, relapse, and unnecessary pain and suffering.
The way out of this trap is to work through the pain of wherever we may be, or just enjoy the joyous feelings. Those who are actively addicted or disordered can work through a Stage One full recovery program. Those who are adult children of troubled or dysfunctional families can work through Stage Two recovery.
Throughout this book Barbara is mindful of these necessities: we cannot let go of something if we do not know experientially of what we are letting go; we cannot
transcend the unhealed; and we cannot connect experientially to the God of our understanding until we know our True Self, our heart” (pp. xvi-xvii).
As put by Fox, Cashwell, and Picciotto (2017) "Ultimately, spiritual bypass corrupts the true nature of spiritual practice and spirituality becoming just another way of rejecting one’s experience (Welwood, 2000)."
References
Fox, J., Cashwell,
C. S., & Picciotto, G. (2017). The opiate of the masses: Measuring
spiritual bypass and its relationship to spirituality, religion, mindfulness,
psychological distress, and personality. Spirituality in Clinical Practice,
4, 274–287. https://doi.org/10.1037/scp0000141
Wellwood, J. (2003). Double vision: Duality and nonduality in human experience. In J. J. Predergast, P. Fenner, & S. Krystal (Eds.), The sacred mirror: Nondual wisdom and psychotherapy. (pp. 138-163). St. Paul, MN: Paragon House
Whitfield, B. H. (1995). Spiritual Awakenings : Insights of the Near-death Experience and Other Doorways to Our Soul. Deerfield Beach, Fla: Health Communications, Inc.
Whitfield, C. (2003). My recovery: A personal plan for healing. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health.
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