Willing v. Willfulness


              Dryden, DiGiuseppe, and Neenan (2003) outlined two fundamental capacities: The first is a tendency to “transform” “desires into absolute musts” especially “when those desires are strong (Ellis, 1976)” (p. 5) The seond has to do with human volition. We also as a species have the power to “identify, challenge and change” our thinking and feeling in keeping with our goals. (Ibid, p. 6)

               The first capacity which involves stirring up your anger and frustration when your wants are frustrated in some way. This capacity falls into the two broad categories: Ego Disturbances and Discomfort Disturbances. (Dryden, DiGiuseppe, & Neenan, 2003, p. 6) Ego Disturbances involve all circumstances that threaten self-esteem in some way. Discomfort Disturbances involve all circumstances that threaten one’s comfort in any way.

               Ultimately, a big part of increasing ones ability to tolerate distress involves a commitment to reality including the reality of being less than God and less than living in the lap of luxury and floating to heaven on flowery beds of ease.

               I particularly like how Linehan (1993) puts in in her book Cognitive Behavioral Therapy of Borderline Personality Disorder. She wrote that the specific distress tolerance skills taught in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) are informed by two types of acceptance and Gerald May’s (1992) concept of willingness versus willfulness.

               The first type of acceptance involves accepting myself as I am. The other involves accepting my life experience as it is. Both forms of acceptance involve approaching life from a willing versus a willful stance as originally written about by Gerald May (1982) in Will and Spirit. Linehan (1993a) wrote of the different between willing and willful attitudes as follows:

The essential tension is between responding to a situation in terms of what the situation needs (willingness) and responding in a way that resists what a situation needs or responding in terms of one’s own needs rather than those of the situation (willfulness). Thus, willfulness encompasses both trying to “fix” the situation and sitting passively on one’s hands, refusing to response at all. (p. 39)  

        Accepting reality on its own terms marks a decided shift from willful, largely maladaptive thought, feeling and behavior to willing, largely adaptive thought, feeling and behavior.

References

Dryden, W., DiGiuseppe, R., & Neenan, M. (2003). A primer on rational emotive behavior therapy. Champaign, IL: Research Press.

Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. New York, NY: Guilford Press.

Linehan, M. M. (1993a). Skills training manual for treating borderline personality disorder. New York, NY: Guilford Press.

May, G. G. (1982). Will and spirit. New York: HarperCollins e-books.

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