Dr. James Husen, Licensed Psychologist, Licensed Attorney, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

               Dryden, DiGiuseppe, and Neenan (2003) outlined two fundamental capacities: The first is a tendency to “transform” “desires into absolute musts” especially “when those desires are strong (Ellis, 1976)” (p. 5) The seond has to do with human volition. We also as a species have the power to “identify, challenge and change” our thinking and feeling in keeping with our goals. (Ibid, p. 6)                The first capacity which involves stirring up your anger and frustration when your wants are frustrated in some way. This capacity falls into the two broad categories: Ego Disturbances and Discomfort Disturbances. (Dryden, DiGiuseppe, & Neenan, 2003, p. 6) Ego Disturbances involve all circumstances that threaten self-esteem in some way. Discomfort Disturbances involve all circumstances that threaten one’s comfort in any way.                Ultimately, a big part of increasing ones ability to tolerate distress involves a commitment to reality including the reali

            A recent study released by the American Psychological Association’s Health Psychology, studied 3,252 people to determine whether self-compassion promotes mental and physical health. The result was that self-compassion, defined as “taking a kind, compassionate, and accepting stance toward oneself during difficult times (Neff, 2003)” (Sirois & Kitner, 2015, p. 661).               Neff operationalized his definition of self-compassion by focusing on three states of mind:   [1] self-kindness—extending kindness and understanding to oneself rather than harsh judgment and self-criticism, [2] common humanity—seeing one’s experiences as part of the larger human experience rather than seeing them as separating and isolating, and   [3] mindfulness—holding one’s painful thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness rather than over-identifying with them.” (p. 89)               There’s a Catch 22 [1] here. Self-compassion does not come naturally for those of u